What We're Reading at Agape

The Agape Book Club, made up of  volunteers and staff, chooses books (and sometimes films) that lend perspective on death and dying (which, when you get down to it, is really life and living). 

This past month's book, "The Bright Hour," was introduced to the group by volunteer Kaelin, who wrote: Nina Riggs wrote this book about her journey with terminal cancer at the tender age of 37. At the same time her mother was being treated for terminal cancer.  (That mother/daughter paralleling was a first for me.  Another lesson in how bad things can get.) Shortly after Nina had a mastectomy, she wrote the following. The emphases are all hers.   

We have called in hospice for my mom.  It's strange, because hospice is one of those words that when you say it, people's faces fall.  It is a word that evokes last breaths and hushed voices.  But the more I think about it, the more I'm struck by what a beautiful word it is -- hospice.  It is hushed, especially at the end.  But it's comfortable and competent sounding too.  A French word with Latin roots -- very close to hospital but with so much more serenity due to those S sounds.  

Hospice used to mean a rest house for travelers--for pilgrims. And is there anything more welcome to a weary pilgrim than rest? A great read from Riggs (who is, by the way, a descendent of Ralph Waldo Emerson) with robust discussion among the group. For any who are interested, here are the book club discussion questions: 

1. Nina Riggs has written a remarkable memoir—about facing down a deadly disease—and done so with courage and even, at times, humor. Find passages that strike you as particularly brave or inspirational or witty or sad. What passages stand out to you in terms of their sheer emotional power?
2. Riggs poses a question we all grapple with, but for her its answer was most urgent: what makes a meaningful life, particularly when that life is to be cut short? How does Riggs answer that question? How would you answer it?  Has this book impacted how you might answer this?
3. After her surgery, Riggs' doctor dissuaded her from reconstructive surgery—"That's a survivor issue. We're not there yet." Was that a proper response on the doctor's part? How might you have felt had you received the answer: angry, fearful, or grateful for the honesty? 
4. Riggs wrote: "There are so many things that are worse than death: old grudges, a lack of self-awareness, severe constipation, no sense of humor, the grimace on your husband's face as he empties your surgical drain into the measuring cup." Do you agree that there are things worse than death? If so, what would you add to that list?
5. The book's title comes from Ralph Waldo Emerson: "That is morning; to cease for a bright hour to be a prisoner of this sickly body, and to become as large as the World."  What does the passage mean and what is its significance to the memoir?
6. Talk about how the death of Riggs' mother, Jan, affected her? Consider how painful it must have been for her mother to know she couldn't be there for Nina when she needed her.

Four-Legged Family

-The new Sam-

One of my favorite tenets of hospice is: We serve the entire family 
unit. Sometimes family is a spouse or children, niece or nephew, a friend or even a neighbor. And sometimes, family is a friend of the four-legged variety, like Sam.

  

Sam is the best friend of one of our hospice patients. In fact, Sam is much of what this gentleman lives for. He does not have local family and relies on a church community, plus Agape, to help care for him. Recently, the progression of his illness has prevented him from being able to actively care for Sam – and removing Sam is unthinkable. 

But hospice cares for the family unit, a team effort that often includes volunteers. Enter volunteer, Kelly Rawlins, who is helping this gentleman to keep Sam at home. Kelly is walking Sam on her days off from work. She also took him to see the groomer. Sam had become dirty, matted and unable to see well because of the wild fur over his eyes. Kelly took care of the coordination, and the Agape Foundation footed the bill. 

Thank you, Kelly, and thank you Agape Foundation--what a tremendous gift. With deep gratitude for all of our staff and volunteers in this work --Beth 

Saying Goodbye to a Stellar Volunteer

Gary and Volunteer Manager Beth Kelley

This past week, we said a sad farewell to Gary Gustin, an Agape volunteer whose next adventure is calling him outside of Colorado. Gary has been with us since November 2013. In these 3 ½ years, he has made 296 patient visits for Agape – all while working full time.  In addition, he has spent most of every Sunday at Gardens on Quail helping their residents to get to church services at the facility and then sitting and having coffee and cookies with most of their male residents who are veterans.

This tradition began when he was visiting one of our patients; but, whether we had a patient at Gardens or not, he would go back every Sunday to “be with his guys.” He is the same man who an Agape patient’s son said had become his father’s best friend for the last year of his Dad’s life. This man deserves a standing ovation for his commitment to veterans, hospice care and Agape.

Gary--may the dedication and Agape love you have shown to so many be returned to you 10,000-fold. You will be missed.

A Magical Summer Camp: Kids Take a Vacation from Parents' Cancer

Agape Partners with Camp Kesem!

Children who have a parent living with cancer, or who have lost a parent to cancer,  typically bear their burdens alone. It can be tough for these kids to find understanding, especially with their peers. 

Camp Kesem was established as a place where these children can connect, find support and experience all the fun a week can hold. Kesem summer camps are free of change and run by highly trained college student leaders. The 2017 Kesem CU Boulder camp begins Sunday, June 25^th and runs for one week. 

Agape was introduced to Camp Kesem through Agape Palliative Nurse Practitioner Michael Dunkle. Michael (a.k.a. Yoda), has been with Camp Kesem since 2012, serving as nurse and consultant to the CU students running the show.

Michael says, “Our Kesem chapter has been talking about ways to expand our support base as our camp continues to grow. Agape’s heart for not only caring for people, but helping all community members through a patient’s illness or death, make them a natural partner for Kesem.” 

The team at Agape loves the idea that the children of the patients they’ve cared for could have a community like Kesem near home and without financial burden to the family. 

Kesem means “magic” in Hebrew.  Agape looks forward to supporting and helping Kesem share the magic with families in their care or others in the community whose children can benefit from this opportunity. 

For information or to refer a camper between the ages of 6-16, visit Camp Kesem Boulder or call Agape 720-482-1988. 

Happy Dove Day!

Every year on June 16, Agape Bereavement Manager Karrie Filios honors her mother by handing out Dove bars. She's been doing this every year for 12 years. 

When Karrie’s mom was living her last days, she wasn’t the typical hospice patient in terms of food. She ate up to the day before she died. That day, she enjoyed her last, and favorite, treat: a Dove Bar. The morning of her death, October 15, 2005, Karrie and her family raised their Dove Bars, eating them in tribute to her mom. They did so at her memorial service and have continued this tradition on her mom’s birthday ever since.

As our Bereavement Manager, Karrie knows all about loss, grief and the power of remembrance. How a  simple, tangible token (in this case, a rich, creamy treat perfect for a mid-June summer day), can stand as a sweet memorial.

Thanks, Karrie, for the call to remember and for including us in this delicious tradition every year. Happy Dove Day.   

An Amazing Sing

Agape’s partner group, Moon Over Mountains Threshold Choir (MOMTC), recently offered a bedside sing. Six choir members lifted their voices for our patient while her husband and daughter stood near. Although the patient was non-responsive, the family expressed appreciation for the visit. Then the choir sang “Amazing Grace.” With the sweet, familiar strains, the patient opened her eyes wide, perhaps even trying to sing along. 

This lovely patient died not long after the sing. In subsequent conversations, one of the themes that continued to emerge was how grateful this man was to have seen his wife’s eyes again. He asked that the choir sing “Amazing Grace” at her memorial. This was not possible, but the group agreed to record their rendition of the song on CD, along with a few other offerings. The family was touched.

We are so grateful to Tory, Dia, Danya, Kathy, Elizabeth and Kaelin for singing bedside – and to all who helped with the recording. As Kaelin wrote, “It is beyond precious to bring comfort to a patient and family during the 11^th hour.”

--Beth

Sunset Threshold Choir: Can You Sing?

Agape has a partnership with Moon Over Mountains (MOM) Threshold Choir in Boulder.  Over the past couple of years, they have provided their beautiful lyrical presence, song and tone at the bedside of many of our Boulder-area patients.  I am now THRILLED to announce the launch of a new threshold choir that will rehearse in Arvada and expand our bedside singing capability beyond Boulder.  

Kaelin Kelly, Agape volunteer and MOM threshold choir member, has been working to develop and lead Sunset Threshold Choir.  Kaelin is ready to hear from prospective choir members. Learn more and get in touch: Sunset Threshold Choir on Facebook.

This is such an amazing gift to offer our patients and families during their dying process and I am deeply grateful to Moon Over Mountains Threshold Choir for continuing their mission – as well as to Kaelin for her commitment to building Sunset Threshold Choir.  

I will keep you posted on when the choir will be ready to begin to offer their song in this expanded area.  

-Beth